James Nicoll Reviews

Marie Phillips’ 2007 Gods Behaving Badly is a modern comedic fantasy.

The Greek gods would (and do) assert that it’s regrettable that they’ve been largely abandoned by their worshippers. They would (and do) assert that it is a terrible development that they’ve been so reduced in power. Mortals (or at least British mortals) might assert that what is truly regrettable is that the small amount of divine power left to the gods is sufficient to wreak havoc on the innocent people of London¹.

Take Kate, for example. Kate used to work for Sachs Goldman in mergers and acquisitions. Now Kate is a eucalyptus tree. Why is Kate a tree? Because the gods are dicks.

Kate had the misfortune to catch Apollo’s eye. Apollo made a pass. Kate rejected the god. Apollo having the emotional maturity of a spoiled toddler, the god transformed Kate into a tree.

When Artemis discovers what Apollo has done, she is incensed. Not because Apollo treated a mortal terribly (gods don’t really do sincere empathy), but for a more practical reason. Without worshippers, the gods can no longer renew their divine energy source. When that energy is gone, it will be gone for good. That won’t be good for the god whose energy is used up, and it probably will not be good for the world. Therefore, Apollo is bullied into a sacred vow not to abuse his power.

The next unfortunate woman to cross Apollo’s path is Alice. Once again Apollo is smitten while Alice is not. Apollo’s vow (and the fact he didn’t manage to get Alice’s name) might have saved Alice. A cruel divine jest dooms her. She is hired as cleaner for none other than the household of Greek gods.

Once again, Apollo is rejected by a mortal woman. He cannot simply transform Alice. The vow prevents that. He can, however, trick his senile father Zeus into smiting Alice. Alice is dead and divine honour (or at least petulance) has been satisfied.

Too bad for Apollo that there are dire consequences for his little jest. Too bad for the world that those consequences are apocalyptic. The fate of the god, of humanity, and life on Earth depends on Alice’s almost-boyfriend Neil. Can Neil succeed where Orpheus failed? Can he retrieve Alice from Hades? Does the extraordinarily unpromising Neil have within himself the stuff of heroes?

Almost certainly not.

~oOo~

When I say modern, I mean at the time of publication. Now the novel is something of a period piece, what with the Palm Pilots and such.

Odd detail: while the gods are sure they are real, many take a more skeptical view of rival pantheons (save for Eros, who converted to Christianity). As far as I can tell, nobody ever thinks to ask Athena what she thinks on the matter. Not that asking Athena would necessarily have helped, as it is a plot point that she is not the god of clarity.

This is a comedic novel along the lines of a Tom Holt comedy, which is to say I can see the structures that are intended to provoke laughter, but I don’t feel moved to laugh or smile.

Now, the novel is true to the source material, in that the legendary Greek gods were horribly, unrepentantly terrible to humans. The sticking point for me is that the novel seems OK with that. Almost supportive. The problem with smiting Alice isn’t that Alice died, but that Apollo for once felt badly about what he’d done and his reaction had global consequences.

The happy ending to this comic tale? The gods get their mojo back. As the gods don’t seem able to learn from experience, that’s probably not good news for mortals.

I didn’t like the characters. Alice isn’t all that interesting and Neil is a drip. I suppose they’re supposed to be ordinary folks with whom the reader can sympathize². I like to think that ordinary folks are less dull than this. However, that’s a minor quibble. It’s a bigger issue that I don’t want to read about powerful bastards getting away with monumental abuses³.

So, very much not my thing. Insert all the usual disclaimers about my lack of a sense of humour.

Gods Behaving Badly is available here (Jonathan Cape), here (Barnes & Noble), here (Bookshop US), here (Bookshop UK), here (Chapters-Indigo), and here (Words Worth Books).

1: England.

2: Remember poor Kate? She gets coppiced off-stage.

3: USA delenda est.